Balance. Many of us have been in search of this elusive ideal.
What do we mean when we say the word “balance”? A few of the common definitions of balance:
- a state of equilibrium
- an equal distribution of weight or amount
- the act of balancing
- to arrange, adjust, or proportion the parts symmetrically
You’ve seen the colorful mobiles hanging over a baby’s crib. Some are simple with four spokes; others are more complex with spokes coming off other spokes. They are meant to tumble and twirl and capture attention. Life is like one of those mobiles. You may think you’re holding everything in balance, but one little bump can make the whole thing bounce and spin out of control.
I’m going to let you in on a secret: The balance in life you’re looking for can’t be maintained because work-life balance is a myth.
How many books or articles have you read in your search for the balance you’re looking for? When “experts” talk of balance, they imply that life and work are the only two categories to be balanced. Life has many components; it’s hard to combine all nonwork areas on one side of a scale and put work on the other side.
Balance is deceivingly easy to say, deceptively difficult to achieve, and darn near impossible to maintain. The least little shift throws life out of balance and you feel off-kilter again.
Why are you looking for balance?
If you were to achieve balance, what would that mean to you? Would everything on your to-do list be checked off? (There’s always something to do.) One of the happiest sights can be the bottom of the laundry hamper — everything is clean! But as soon as you change clothes, something will fill up the void of the empty hamper.
Does balance mean that everything in life is going perfectly? Everyone is on time? The house is spotless? You’re caught up on every work assignment? That’s not happening.
You’re looking for a solution that will help you achieve work-life balance, so you must be seeing yourself as being in a state of imbalance. In this sense, work and life are in a clear conflict. Work-life balance appears as a neatly wrapped package of a problem to solve (being out of balance) and a remedy all in one.
Stop pursuing work-life balance.
Pursuing work-life balance sets up an unhealthy competition between work and life. When your job is too demanding, you pay a price at home with strained family relationships and responsibilities. Sometimes the duties and events of life at home — such as a family illness or just the daily grind — leave you little time to focus on your performance at work. This threatens your job and financial security, which results in elevated levels of stress.
“If work-life balance is a myth, then what do I do instead?” you ask. “How do I make a difference and make my life count? I want to be productive on and off the job, and earn an income while being true to myself. I want to be a great spouse and parent. I want financial security so I can help and serve others in my community. I want to be healthy and feel more at peace.”
Instead of looking for balance, look for harmony.
Balance offers a single state of being, while harmony provides a range of possibilities and dynamic levels of being. Balance requires perfection; harmony allows for measurable progress and ongoing hope. Work-life balance is an either/or situation, whereas work-life harmony is a both/and scenario.
Picture an orchestra and its musicians. Typically, more than half of the orchestra is made up of stringed instruments. The woodwind and brass sections have fewer players, and the percussion section has the least. Violins keep the melodies flowing, occasionally punctuated with a cymbal crash. An orchestra of an equal number of instruments per section would be hard on the ears.
Another example of harmony over balance is a recipe. You wouldn’t consider using the same amount of salt and sugar and flour when baking a cake. It wouldn’t taste good. But each ingredient is necessary.
So how do you create harmony? The first step is to let harmony be your focus instead of balance. Look for ways to combine different areas of life, like taking a walk with a friend (combines physical and social) or scheduling family devotions to create space for the spiritual.
At times, you will need to accept the fact that life will feel in discord. A family health crisis requires all your mental and emotional capacity for a season. Or a large work project means you need to reschedule a family outing.
When possible, take a few minutes to relax by playing a favorite song. Just breathe. As the tune of life plays on, that discord can resolve to a pleasing harmony again.
Listen. And take your place as the conductor of your symphony.
Let Me Help
Would you like to find harmony in your life? Or do you still think you need balance? Let’s discuss the challenges throwing you off.